Dear Carter and Lily,
Judging other people by their looks is often hurtful and really serves no purpose for good. When you judge other people by their looks only, you can’t get a full picture of what your looking at. You also risk missing something really important about the person that is good and could be a blessing to yourself.
Carter, your birth mother is a kind and loving person. Many times, I have told people that she is my hero. She has been criticized by at least one person that I know about for “giving away her baby”. That person is probably not very mature and was not in a kind mood when they said that. I am NOT judging by looks here, because I don’t even know who this person is. The true fact is that your birth mother made a very courageous decision and chose to make an adoption plan for you AND herself. She knew in her heart that she could not give you things, take you some places, and provide experiences that she wanted you to have. Yet, she was judged. Maybe not by her looks in this particular instance, but that could have been a part of it. Your birth mother is very young, yet she has true wisdom. Our society, today, is more accepting of adoption and its benefits than when I was younger, but some ideas are hard to suppress for some people. Those who judge your birth mother for her decision and her youth might miss the fact that she had your best interests at heart, loves you very much, has a contagious smile and is a loving woman (just to name a few of her traits).
Lily, you are only one day old and your Mommy has been judged by some of her nurses for her youthful looks! Your Mommy is about to be 23 years old, but she does look a little younger. I wish I could go put a sign on your room at the hospital that says: “The mother in this room is a graduate of Wake Forest and has a B.S. in Biology. She is a research scientist. She has been a special needs caregiver and (in the past) earned her spending money as a babysitter for more than 5 years. Her experience with children and babies is extensive. Please do not assume that she knows less than you do about HER BABY. She has read everything there is to know about newborns. If you disagree about something she is doing, please explain why and ask her reasons for what she is doing . Then, maybe you can relinquish control of this situation by mutual agreement.”
Whew! Sorry, now that is out of my system. See, judging a person by their looks can cause a lot of frustration, even if you are not the one being judged.
Be nice to people! Find out what makes them tick. Love all people, regardless of their looks and circumstances.
I Love You, Ju Ju
Dear Carter and Lily,